The Countdown Begins...10 Days Till D-Day

Damn you, car seat.

Our first clue should have been the name of the model we selected. The Alpha-Omega Elite Deluxe 3-In-1 Infant to Toddler child restraint. Who comes up with this shit? When the half-destroyed package finally arrived (thanks UPS!), I half expected Jesus to pop out intoning the book of Revelations; "I am the Alpha and the Omega! Bow before me!". Unfortunately, something much more terrifying emerged, the most ungodly complicated contraption heretofore known to me. It's not that it's just any old car seat, it's just this particular model, which came packaged with a 54-page manual detailing step by step the single most efficient way to make oneself feel utterly stupid. Missing from this novel of pain and suffering is a handy glossary, it's absence made all the more felt by diagrams laden with undefined terms such as Buckle Plate, Harness Retainer, Splitter Plate, and LATCH Belt. After a sweat-filled (it's lately been well over 100 degrees) 2 hours of stressful installation/self-torture, the thing felt a bit, well...off. Thankfully, we had recently received a tip from another member of the parenthood cult, to head to Segal's, where they would install any car seat for free, regardless of where purchased.

Upon arrival, we signed onto the waiting list; mere moments passed before a British gent ambled over to us, weary resignation plainly evident.

Bummed Limey: "The Alpha-Omega Elite, right?"
Mama K: "That's us!"
Bummed Limey: "Those are the most difficult to install." Looking at Mama K's distended tummy, "Is it for an infant? I've never heard of an infant Alpha-Omega."

Great. Despite the website we purchased this beast from, the box, and the manual all proclaiming it's ability to seat a young pup weighing between 5 and 100 pounds, apparently it's unable to fit a newborn. Call me crazy, but can anyone think of the last time they saw or heard of a 5lb. toddler? So anyway, after getting a second opinion from a fellow car seat technician, who both were amazed at my snug installation, the Brit tech gravely informed us that any hospital staff's inspection of our car seat would result in a denial of baby release due to safety concerns. He felt so bummed for our sake, that he didn't even bother to sell us another, more appropriate seat, instead directing us to a competitor nearby, adding that we could always come back to him and he'd help us install the new one.

So another 100 bucks later ($250 for the pair), we are now the proud parents of two very clunky plastic car buckets...man, this boy better love us when he finally makes his debut.