Alaskan Adventures Vol.1

Here's the first batch of photos from our trip up to Alaska way back in July. Enjoy. Belatedly.

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This about sums up how much fun we had on the flight from Portland to Seattle to Juneau to Sitka. Young Old, formerly quite the trooper, waited until this trip to develop a severe case of Conduct Disorder.

As you can see, that seat belt lasted about 3.41 seconds.

"Freed from one restraint, only to land myself in another. Man, this sucks."

Playing tourist and making monster sounds in downtown Sitka. Rrrraaarghhhh...

Cold chillin' with Kari at the Backdoor Cafe. He's pouting because we wouldn't get him a latte.

"Dude, Dad, float planes are awesome!" We could only nod, butts firmly clenched, terrified for our lives.

"Mama, what's the matter? Don't you think this is awesome?" [Note to readers: Mama K gets motion sickness from walking too fast. Poor Mama K. -Ed.]

In Port Alexander at last. Young Old collapsed in the corner, physically and mentally exhausted. His arch-nemesis Young Sage immediately greeted him with a retina-searing 60000-Watt spotlight, to the face. Welcome to the Laughing Raven Lodge.

"Even though I'll likely never see again, sure, we can be friends." Seriously, isn't that just too precious?

Mama K and Young Old breaking out their B-Boy/Girl poses for the cover of their next album, Boots, Boardwalks and Blueberry Beats.

I'm Tired So You Get Pictures, Vol. 29

This is one of my favorite batches. Some real priceless shit, here, yo.

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"Doggies don't go *pant* *pant*...they go *ruff* *ruff*. Get it? Now you try."

Showing my Young Son what he has to look forward to once he potty-trains. To be honest, I'm not so sure it's much of an improvement.

An older flick of the Young One in the arms of his Uncle ReidSeed. Hey, bud, your fly is down.

Young Old, now with 100% more macular degeneration! Also, "You'll shoot your eye out, kid."

The cover photo for Young Old's first album, Hoodies and Hobos.

"Um, Mom...that naked slobber-thing is a little too close to my milk bladder for comfort."

"What's with the faces, yo? I just wanted to say hello. So rude."

Mama K's failed attempt at configuring the Moby Wrap. Young Old looks like one unhappy paratrooper.

A love of back-scratching sessions runs in the family. GrandPops hands down the tradition.

Young Old held the screwdriver steady while we lowered his crib. Such a good helper.

The Life Aquatic with Young Old

Right before we headed off into the Alaskan bush, our good friend Becky, now known as Auntie "Dub," stopped by for a brief visit. And in Portland, if it's a summer visit, you know it's a river visit. It also happened to be Young Old's first deep water experience outside of his tepid baths and a few uber-chlorinated pools.

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Bliiinded by the light. Sorry, river rats.

Young Old gets the pep talk from Aunt T. Check out that ridiculous hat.

Breaking for lunch. He looks so grown up here...believe me, he's never this calm while eating. He's usually much more animated, a lot like a Tourettic acrobat miming a Whirling Dervish, i.e. fun to watch, not so fun to feed.

Um, Dad, I'm beginning to think that water is over-rated. Get me out of this thing now.

Ahhhh, much better. A soft lap, no straight jacket, shade, and a rock. This is the life.

Mmmm-mmm, giardia lamblia. Note to future parents: rocks are the perfect teething implements.
Thanks go out to Aunt T and Auntie "Dub" for the photos!

Young Farmhand

Taking sweaty advantage of a human jerky-inducing heat wave (more like heat stroke) earlier this summer in Portland, we strapped Young Old into his marsupial pouch and headed out to Kruger Farms on Sauvie Island for some primo berry picking.
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Mama K showing off her Old World harvesting pose.

Young Mikey likes it.

We are so getting busted by Kruger security for eating their product without paying for it.

Young Old, Mama K, and I gots mad love for migrant workers. I don't know how you folks can do it, as our back and hands ached after a mere two hours of "work." Respect, and thank you.

Near the end of the day Young Old was too sun-weary to care much about his modus eo ire itum, which is unfortunate, because tractor rides are awesome.

"Thanks, handlers. That was fun. Good luck wiping all of these seeds out of my ass crack for the next two days!"
Thanks for the photos and the company, Auntie Ali!

I'm Tired So You Get Pictures, Vol. 28

These posts are becoming a bit of a misnomer, as if I was so tired, I'd just skip it altogether. But for you, Young Old, no mere weariness will keep me from trucking on.

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Young Old chomping at the bit, ready to dig into some delicious Indian food with our dear friends Porksie and Country Mike (whose identity shall remain a mystery. Right, DB Cooper?).

Mama K and I celebrating our five-year anniversary, sans the Young One. I'm still madly in love with you, K.

Training The Son in the art of grilling the perfect burger. He was a quick study...here's to hoping Frisco the Cat's hair will grow back one of these days.

Lord Young presiding over the banquet we poor peasants doth prepared in his honor.

The Fam enjoying a neighborhood stroll.

Young Wizard tapping into the energies of the universe to stop time. When he hit the "play" button once more, we found him on the couch eating Cheetos and playing video games. Not exactly what I'd call using your abilities to their full potential, bud.

His good cheer is downright infectious.

As I was saying...

It even affects folks he's never met before, such as his Auntie Wisconsin. We call it his Smile Control. You are now getting haaaaapy.

Thanks Becky and Aunt T for the pictures!

Birth Control Pt. 178

I think this video speaks for itself:



That's a Mama K clean-up, if I've ever seen one.

Visit with Finn

A while back, Young Old and Mama K headed up to Washington to visit with our friends Katie, Emmett, and their adventurous son, Finn. This kid is full of life, so it's always pretty cool to see Young Old soaking up some new tricks whenever they hang out.

Here's our Young One begging Finn to bounce, and probably getting more than he bargained for:



Story time with the incredible Mama K. Thanks Curious George, you've taught my son to sneak down by the river with our mop in an attempt to catch fish. Great lesson.

Finn thought it would be really cool to try and pick up Young Old...by the head. Thanks, buddy, that'll save us loads on chiropractor bills.

Literary Terror

Reading books to your son should be an innocent enough affair, right? Close physical bonding between parent and child, improved word recognition, visual stimulation, verbal cadence training, etc. Maybe now we should add to that list the following item: induced fear.

Observe:


A close up of our horrified subject:

Another poor victim of terror:

To hopefully avoid a lawsuit, I must give credit where credit is due:

Young Old hasn't sleep for weeks, and now flinches at the sight of water. Parental advice: Pre-screen the reading material and save your child a lifetime of therapy. [Just kidding, Ms. Intrater. Please, don't sue me for libel. It's a joke. -Ed.]

Young Old, Lunar Cycle No. 11

In keeping with tradition, this eleven-month update is extremely tardy, and as usual, obsolete. Enjoy!

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Young Old's achievement awards were handed out in the following fields:

• Standing Without Assistance - Necessitating 100% more vertical baby-proofing!
• Waving - Making those goodbyes that much more difficult. Precious.
  
• High Fives - Suddenly, it's like we're at a round-the-clock fraternity party, Young Bro.
  
• Pointing - Making those formerly-obnoxious grunts and whines now much more understandable.
• Stair Climbing - Heeello, baby gate!
• Button Pushing - Good thing I just saved my progress on that important Word document, because Young Old decided it was time to turn off the computer. Likewise for the DVD player, the TV, and the Xbox 360. I hereby rename you Young Luddite.
• Separation Anxiety - Making us feel like the coolest people in the world!
• Preferences - Man, I miss the days when you just went with the flow, pal. Now it's do this, don't do that, likes and dislikes. What a hassle.
• Confidence in Abilities - Young Old, just because you can climb on top of the refrigerator doesn't mean that we'll catch you when you jump off. Just something to think about.
• Mimicry - Mama K, we really need to stop swearing. Young Old shouting "Cock fart!" at the wedding made me feel like we raised him in Arkansas.
  
• Recognizing Objects - Making those moments when a car goes by chock-full of precious gear-shifting grunts, and those other times hanging out with Grandma and her colostomy bag an embarrassing eternity of stomach-churning lip-gurgles.
• Constant Motion - I'm tired. So tired.
• Light Obsession - Yes, Young Old, that's a light. Uh huh, that's another light. Yep, yet another light. Great, more lights. Okay, bed time, bye bye light, hello darkness, my old friend.
  
• Teething - Two hours less sleep every night...check. Dangerous levels of baby Tylenol...check. Sore nipples...check. Whiskey for the whole family...check.
• Snuggling - Finally. Young Old, it's good to know the love is mutual. Baby hugs are the shit.
  

Our little slobgoblin at eleven months:
Thanks, Becky, for the photo!

Young Old, The Movie XXVI

Dogs and balloons make his world go round.