The Life Aquatic with Young Old

Right before we headed off into the Alaskan bush, our good friend Becky, now known as Auntie "Dub," stopped by for a brief visit. And in Portland, if it's a summer visit, you know it's a river visit. It also happened to be Young Old's first deep water experience outside of his tepid baths and a few uber-chlorinated pools.

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Bliiinded by the light. Sorry, river rats.

Young Old gets the pep talk from Aunt T. Check out that ridiculous hat.

Breaking for lunch. He looks so grown up here...believe me, he's never this calm while eating. He's usually much more animated, a lot like a Tourettic acrobat miming a Whirling Dervish, i.e. fun to watch, not so fun to feed.

Um, Dad, I'm beginning to think that water is over-rated. Get me out of this thing now.

Ahhhh, much better. A soft lap, no straight jacket, shade, and a rock. This is the life.

Mmmm-mmm, giardia lamblia. Note to future parents: rocks are the perfect teething implements.
Thanks go out to Aunt T and Auntie "Dub" for the photos!

Young Farmhand

Taking sweaty advantage of a human jerky-inducing heat wave (more like heat stroke) earlier this summer in Portland, we strapped Young Old into his marsupial pouch and headed out to Kruger Farms on Sauvie Island for some primo berry picking.
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Mama K showing off her Old World harvesting pose.

Young Mikey likes it.

We are so getting busted by Kruger security for eating their product without paying for it.

Young Old, Mama K, and I gots mad love for migrant workers. I don't know how you folks can do it, as our back and hands ached after a mere two hours of "work." Respect, and thank you.

Near the end of the day Young Old was too sun-weary to care much about his modus eo ire itum, which is unfortunate, because tractor rides are awesome.

"Thanks, handlers. That was fun. Good luck wiping all of these seeds out of my ass crack for the next two days!"
Thanks for the photos and the company, Auntie Ali!

I'm Tired So You Get Pictures, Vol. 28

These posts are becoming a bit of a misnomer, as if I was so tired, I'd just skip it altogether. But for you, Young Old, no mere weariness will keep me from trucking on.

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Young Old chomping at the bit, ready to dig into some delicious Indian food with our dear friends Porksie and Country Mike (whose identity shall remain a mystery. Right, DB Cooper?).

Mama K and I celebrating our five-year anniversary, sans the Young One. I'm still madly in love with you, K.

Training The Son in the art of grilling the perfect burger. He was a quick study...here's to hoping Frisco the Cat's hair will grow back one of these days.

Lord Young presiding over the banquet we poor peasants doth prepared in his honor.

The Fam enjoying a neighborhood stroll.

Young Wizard tapping into the energies of the universe to stop time. When he hit the "play" button once more, we found him on the couch eating Cheetos and playing video games. Not exactly what I'd call using your abilities to their full potential, bud.

His good cheer is downright infectious.

As I was saying...

It even affects folks he's never met before, such as his Auntie Wisconsin. We call it his Smile Control. You are now getting haaaaapy.

Thanks Becky and Aunt T for the pictures!

Birth Control Pt. 178

I think this video speaks for itself:



That's a Mama K clean-up, if I've ever seen one.

Visit with Finn

A while back, Young Old and Mama K headed up to Washington to visit with our friends Katie, Emmett, and their adventurous son, Finn. This kid is full of life, so it's always pretty cool to see Young Old soaking up some new tricks whenever they hang out.

Here's our Young One begging Finn to bounce, and probably getting more than he bargained for:



Story time with the incredible Mama K. Thanks Curious George, you've taught my son to sneak down by the river with our mop in an attempt to catch fish. Great lesson.

Finn thought it would be really cool to try and pick up Young Old...by the head. Thanks, buddy, that'll save us loads on chiropractor bills.

Literary Terror

Reading books to your son should be an innocent enough affair, right? Close physical bonding between parent and child, improved word recognition, visual stimulation, verbal cadence training, etc. Maybe now we should add to that list the following item: induced fear.

Observe:


A close up of our horrified subject:

Another poor victim of terror:

To hopefully avoid a lawsuit, I must give credit where credit is due:

Young Old hasn't sleep for weeks, and now flinches at the sight of water. Parental advice: Pre-screen the reading material and save your child a lifetime of therapy. [Just kidding, Ms. Intrater. Please, don't sue me for libel. It's a joke. -Ed.]

Young Old, Lunar Cycle No. 11

In keeping with tradition, this eleven-month update is extremely tardy, and as usual, obsolete. Enjoy!

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Young Old's achievement awards were handed out in the following fields:

• Standing Without Assistance - Necessitating 100% more vertical baby-proofing!
• Waving - Making those goodbyes that much more difficult. Precious.
  
• High Fives - Suddenly, it's like we're at a round-the-clock fraternity party, Young Bro.
  
• Pointing - Making those formerly-obnoxious grunts and whines now much more understandable.
• Stair Climbing - Heeello, baby gate!
• Button Pushing - Good thing I just saved my progress on that important Word document, because Young Old decided it was time to turn off the computer. Likewise for the DVD player, the TV, and the Xbox 360. I hereby rename you Young Luddite.
• Separation Anxiety - Making us feel like the coolest people in the world!
• Preferences - Man, I miss the days when you just went with the flow, pal. Now it's do this, don't do that, likes and dislikes. What a hassle.
• Confidence in Abilities - Young Old, just because you can climb on top of the refrigerator doesn't mean that we'll catch you when you jump off. Just something to think about.
• Mimicry - Mama K, we really need to stop swearing. Young Old shouting "Cock fart!" at the wedding made me feel like we raised him in Arkansas.
  
• Recognizing Objects - Making those moments when a car goes by chock-full of precious gear-shifting grunts, and those other times hanging out with Grandma and her colostomy bag an embarrassing eternity of stomach-churning lip-gurgles.
• Constant Motion - I'm tired. So tired.
• Light Obsession - Yes, Young Old, that's a light. Uh huh, that's another light. Yep, yet another light. Great, more lights. Okay, bed time, bye bye light, hello darkness, my old friend.
  
• Teething - Two hours less sleep every night...check. Dangerous levels of baby Tylenol...check. Sore nipples...check. Whiskey for the whole family...check.
• Snuggling - Finally. Young Old, it's good to know the love is mutual. Baby hugs are the shit.
  

Our little slobgoblin at eleven months:
Thanks, Becky, for the photo!

Young Old, The Movie XXVI

Dogs and balloons make his world go round.

Young Old, The Movie XXV

I'm posting this video to demonstrate three very important things:

1. Young Old is a speed demon when he puts his crawl car into gear.
2. Young Old is becoming more and more obsessed with our bathroom habits, giving me hope that we'll have him toilet-trained well before he turns seventeen.
3. Something that had, in my mind, been up for dispute until this irrefutable evidence presented itself...Mama K does indeed wash her hands after taking a dump (Sorry, love, couldn't resist).
   

I'm Tired So You Get Pictures, Vol. 27

Mama K recently returned home from her sister's four-day bachelorette party, and today she returns to work to prepare for the new school year, meaning I've been watching Young Toddler for five days straight now, mostly solo. I'd always thought I had this bottomless fount of energy that would carry me through this parental period, but hell, our little critter could sap the energy out of the Sun if it was capable of childcare. He's napping now (praise all that is good in the world), so let's get down to business...

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On our way home from San Francisco to Portland, we played tourist at the Marin Headlands, snapping this pair of photos in front of yon Golden Gate Bridge.

We arrived back in Stumptown for the most important national holiday of the year, Fireworks Day. Having little time to prepare, we were forced to shop from the legally-sanctioned tents of terror, though after our less-than-spectacular evening display, Young Old and I vowed to hit up the reservations the next go 'round.

I'm not sure which cause of Young Old's wound is worse, the fictional account of him getting a little too cocky with an M-80, or the more truthy story of Mama K accidentally snipping The Boy's finger with a gigantic pair of crafting scissors. Either way, we'll be expecting a visit from Child Protective Services any day now.

Learning about techmology at the Oregon Museum of Science and Industry. His IQ visibly jumped 12 points by the day's end.

Frisco the Cat's patience apparently has its limit. After Young Old's stitches heal, I'm sure he'll never yank her whiskers again.

Young Old learning about the birds and the bees from his randy toys. Whew, glad that conversation's out of the way.

Young Old and Auntie Ren scoping out the sights atop a Puget Sound ferry. GrandPops, the posed photo pointing must be genetic.

"Well, Mama K, I can see you're having a blast, but frankly, how about you just concentrate on changing my soon-to-ooze-and-explode diaper. Great."

Young Old boycotting smiles at his 37th wedding this year (congrats, Steph and Ian, it truly was a wonderful celebration). Only another dozen left, my friend.